Sometimes, when I read scripture, I am so blown away by the deep and burning desires of people to praise God and glorify Him with all their being. That’s something that I know I grow complacent in at times, but I think with the way the world is in 2021, those deeper burnings to honor God become less and less genuine.

Hey Pops, I’ve been thinking and praying a lot about wanting to really understand what it means to be the Bride of Christ. Maybe it’s because I can look on the sentiment with my own experiential sentimentality, but I want to truly realize what it is to be your bride. Because now I know in the physical what it is to be one. I know the anticipation of a wedding celebration where everyone in attendance is there to look upon and witness a love great enough to don its very best and meet at an altar to profess that love.

Hey Pops, I feel like there’s nothing like a New Year for re-evaluation. And for some reason, whenever I take stock of where I am, I always beat myself up for falling short. So I take stock of where I am spiritually and I find that I’m way short of where I want to be. My prayer life is dry. My worship for you is silent. My time spent in other places.

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite places to go was the library. Whenever I’d go, I’d always leave with a stack of books as long as my arms. My dad used to yell at me, saying, “You’re never going to read all those books in two weeks before you need to return them! Pare it down!” My mom would laugh and shake her head, knowing full well I’d gobble every book up. A few months ago, I remembered this part of my childhood and realized: Somewhere along the way, I got too busy to read.

I think this passage in the Bible is one of the most well-known ones. Even if you’ve never gone to Sunday school, never picked up a Bible, and never had a faith of your own, chances are, you’ve heard fragments of this verse someway, somehow. Whether it’s a scripture reading at a wedding ceremony you attended or printed on some trendy home decoration at Marshall’s, 1 Corinthians 13 tends to be one of those Bible verses that crossed over into secular culture at one point or another.

Hey Pops, I’ve been frustrated recently, remembering where I’ve been in the past and not feeling like I’m there before. I know that I shouldn’t compare where I used to be with where I am now, but sometimes, I can’t help it. I feel like I should be deeper, more confident, or more satisfied. To be honest, I can’t put my finger on exactly what I feel is missing or why I can’t seem to stir myself up to enjoy you more consistently.

I hope the theme of last week’s devotion is still ringing in your mind. It sure is in mine, and it’s the lens I’m beginning to read and see everything through: God is so intentional. He wastes nothing. Everything has an eternal, Kingdom-situated meaning. So let’s revisit the fig tree and dig deeper. Jesus was hungry after spending the night in Bethany, and saw a fig tree in leaf. He gets to the tree, sees no fruit, and curses the tree to never bear fruit again. Maybe, to you, it seems irrational. “Wow, Jesus, I get that you were hungry, but did you have to curse the whole tree just because it didn’t have a snack?” Or maybe you’re thinking, “If it wasn’t the season for figs, then why didn’t He curb His enthusiasm? After all, if He knew figs weren’t in season– being God and all– then why didn’t He keep his expectations low?”

I wrote those words in the middle of winter, while sitting at my desk in small-town Potsdam, New York. Three months later, as I re-read my old, unedited words, I sat back and thought about how much my life had been flipped upside down. Later that night, I had received an email, saying that I would have three days to get rid of all of my belongings, and move out of my college dorm to live with my parents on Long Island again. I was crushed, especially after writing such strong, comforting words earlier that morning.

There is no fear in love. All of God’s promises to us are awesome, but there is something about this one that catches my heart. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is one of the verses I try to live by, and model my heart after. It’s a verse that has been a banner over my relationship and a mantra through some really hard decisions. There is no fear in love.

Hey, Pops, I need you more. The more I give my heart to you, the more I feel inadequate in my daily life. The more I desire you, the more I fall short as a friend, a coworker, a leader, and a daughter. The more I try to hide, the more exposed I feel. I don’t feel worthy to take up the space you’ve called me to fill. I feel like you’ve asked the wrong girl and given too much responsibility to someone so undeserving.

There’s a lot of things we all crave to be in this life. We all want to be successful and feel accomplished. Maybe we even have a small timeline in your heads of where we want to be and when. Even though we do our best to trust in Jesus and in his plan, we also have little hopes and dreams within our minds and hearts. We almost all want to achieve perfection in all these areas of our lives. But there is one thing I never want to be, and that is the “Perfect Christian”.

Jesus, I pray that you would give me a heart like this. A heart that is in awe of you at all times, that tells everyone of your love and mercy, and that is continually trusting in you. God, you are magnificent, but I am so broken. I am scared and I feel helpless. I cannot bring myself to this place of wanting to trust you anymore. Wherever I look, everything around me feels like it’s falling apart. God, I know you have a purpose in everything you do, but can I tell you how frustrated and helpless I feel right now?

All over the Bible, there are stories of all kinds of different people who loved God and served Him. People like Paul, who was a murderer-turned-evangelist that suffered and endured remarkable trials in the name of Christ. People like Ruth, who was fiercely loyal to family and was blessed for her faithfulness. People like Jonah, who ran from God’s call on his life and had to be transported to his destiny via the belly of a whale.