Hey Pops, I feel like there’s nothing like a New Year for re-evaluation. And for some reason, whenever I take stock of where I am, I always beat myself up for falling short. So I take stock of where I am spiritually and I find that I’m way short of where I want to be. My prayer life is dry. My worship for you is silent. My time spent in other places.

Hey Pops, I’ve been frustrated recently, remembering where I’ve been in the past and not feeling like I’m there before. I know that I shouldn’t compare where I used to be with where I am now, but sometimes, I can’t help it. I feel like I should be deeper, more confident, or more satisfied. To be honest, I can’t put my finger on exactly what I feel is missing or why I can’t seem to stir myself up to enjoy you more consistently.

Hey, Pops, I need you more. The more I give my heart to you, the more I feel inadequate in my daily life. The more I desire you, the more I fall short as a friend, a coworker, a leader, and a daughter. The more I try to hide, the more exposed I feel. I don’t feel worthy to take up the space you’ve called me to fill. I feel like you’ve asked the wrong girl and given too much responsibility to someone so undeserving.

Hey Pops, I can’t help but praise you when I think back on my life. I can’t believe all the goodness you’ve poured out on me; I hold each signal of your great love for me against my heart and worship you. I didn’t deserve any of the kindness you’ve shown me. There have been so many days where I doubted that you were working; that I turned away because I was fickle and immature. There have been so many moments that I’ve doubted your will to come in and save me again and again and again.