On July 11, 2024, Lily Anne Wente was born at 11:29 a.m. She weighed 8 lbs 2 oz and measures 21.5 inches long.

Exactly one year ago, my little family found itself in a moment of crisis. Sam’s job came to an end at the church in North Carolina. For months, he was scouring job boards looking for a new pastoral job while delivering pizzas to help supplement our income. Church job searches are a long, drawn out process, and most require you to appear at the church and guest preach so the congregation can meet you, your family, and get an idea of how you would shepherd the church.

Isn’t it funny how following Jesus keeps you on your toes? In my years of knowing Him and walking with Him, my personal testimony is that He has never brought me to places I expected Him to. When I look back at my whole life– born and raised on Long Island, sent to the mission field in South Africa, moving as a newlywed to coastal North Carolina, and most recently, transplanted clear across the country to the mountains of Oregon– there are twists and turns God has set in motion that I could never have anticipated or foresaw myself going in His name.

In 2014, back in the days before this website existed, God laid it on my heart to go on a mission trip to Africa. At the onset, I thought the obvious path was to go with a family friend that had an organization in Tanzania. That mission would consist of traveling in the African bush, visiting tribes and ministering to them over the course of about two or three weeks. There were months of planning, between figuring out what vaccines I’d need, supplies, putting my finances in order to fund it, and travel logistics. Finally, it came time to buy the plane tickets and try as I did, confirming a booking proved impossible. I’d have the tickets, pick my seat, enter my payment information, and submit, but for some reason each time I tried, the seat was no longer available. This happened several times with multiple airlines before my mom stepped in and voiced my own concern: Something wasn’t right.

When Sam and I were dating or newly married, whenever we went somewhere– be it a park, a concert, or an amusement park– Sam would without fail ask me to put his car keys in my purse. And then he’d ask me to hold his phone… and his wallet. It would always annoy me, because my bag would be brimming with someone else’s stuff. And Sam wasn’t the only person to do it. I’d have friends who would do it too. I guess it’s prone to happen when you’re the one in the group that always carries a bag. That bag was a safe place to keep those items people didn’t want to lose. And they would have been correct, because nothing was ever misplaced when it was in my bag.

On September 2nd, 2022, Piper was born at 11:33 pm at 7 lbs 5 oz, 21 inches long. After all that time waiting, and at 41 weeks, 5 days, every plan Sam and I made about how we wanted our daughter to be born went out the window. We wanted a home birth with the midwife we'd been meeting with over the course of my pregnancy.

CANCELLED. That’s never a word you want to see next to your flight number at the airport. This past weekend, my husband and I flew up to New York to watch our friends get engaged. We flew in Friday night, hung out this weekend, and the plan was to fly back home Sunday night to be back in time for work on Monday morning. But clearly, we were in store for other plans.

Last week we took a look at the story of Abraham’s test of faith in offering up his son to God as a sacrifice. We really combed through how Abraham’s faith had to be tested and strengthened to get to a place of blind faith and impossible obedience. But this week, I want to talk about Isaac and his own insane faith, because nowhere in the text does it say that Isaac cried out, let alone fought off or questioned his father. Everyone can take a look at Abraham and say, “Wow, his faith is amazing that he would give his only, beloved son to God like that.” But I don’t think Isaac gets enough recognition for the faith it would take in God to offer up our own life and trust that God would take care of it.

It can be so difficult sometimes to trust in the Lord. In fact, it can be near impossible at times. Whether it be because you have no idea what He’s planning, or because everything around you seems to be going crazy. Whatever it is, we all have a moment where we are frustrated and doubtful. In fact, those moments seem to be quite frequent for me.

I wrote those words in the middle of winter, while sitting at my desk in small-town Potsdam, New York. Three months later, as I re-read my old, unedited words, I sat back and thought about how much my life had been flipped upside down. Later that night, I had received an email, saying that I would have three days to get rid of all of my belongings, and move out of my college dorm to live with my parents on Long Island again. I was crushed, especially after writing such strong, comforting words earlier that morning.

Jesus, I pray that you would give me a heart like this. A heart that is in awe of you at all times, that tells everyone of your love and mercy, and that is continually trusting in you. God, you are magnificent, but I am so broken. I am scared and I feel helpless. I cannot bring myself to this place of wanting to trust you anymore. Wherever I look, everything around me feels like it’s falling apart. God, I know you have a purpose in everything you do, but can I tell you how frustrated and helpless I feel right now?

A desire is a strong feeling of wanting or wishing to have something or to see something occur. A desire can be a strong feeling that controls your emotions, your actions, and your thoughts. What are your desires today? What are the things pulling on your heart strings pleading for attention? Is it a desire for love, validation, happiness, or material things? What if I told you all those desires, all of those things that you long for are just masking the only desire that will satisfy your soul?

Have you ever been so overcome with fear that you felt paralyzed? Has your fear ever made you feel completely incompetent and of no value? Has the power of fear ever whispered multiple lies into your heart, which you begin to believe as truth? One little fear in our hearts can ripple into an insecurity, then into an overwhelming thought, and then soon a lie that begins to hold truth over our lives leaving us feeling unworthy– even more than that– not ourselves.

Maybe it’s a little cliché, but I think this passage of the Christmas story is my favorite. Whenever I read it, I can’t help but feel such wonder for the moment. Mary, a young Nazarene girl goes from unseen and simple to the living proof of God’s amazing power and love.

This is what I call my life verse. I believe God gives everyone who asks a scripture to hold onto through all the storms life has to throw at us. This precious one is mine. What is yours? For me, Proverbs 3:5-6 is my constant reminder to hope in God. He called me and saved me and is faithful to finish what He began in my life. My faith in Christ is the substance of what I hope for. It encourages me to remember that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

I’m hoping all of you got the chance to read Cortney’s devotion on Tuesday, and if you didn’t, please read it first and come back to this after. One of the things I love about this platform God has given us to minister to others is that God speaks to me so much through it and through Cortney as my Soul Deep partner. The past few days I have been facing a lot at once. I was truly so overwhelmed and my trust in God was really being put to the test. Honestly, the past couple days have been the hardest that I think I’ve ever faced. I felt like I had to make every big life decision in one day, and if you’ve ever been there, you’ll know that that will make you question your trust in what God’s doing in your life.

huge truth bomb to me that I want to share with you today. First off, let’s be real and honest. We are selfish and needy creatures. I mean, praise God that He puts up with us, but we are a generation and a people that always wants more. We are constantly full of excuses and needs. Enough will never be enough. It could be anything; we could want more success, more money, more friends, a relationship... whatever it is. Whether it’s material or immaterial, we find ourselves crawling through this life feeling lifeless because we don’t know what true satisfaction is apart from what the world dictates to us.