Modern Psalms: I Could Never Want You on My Own

“Glory in His holy name; Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad. Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continually.” (Psalm 105:3-4, NASB)

Hey Pops,

I feel like there’s nothing like a New Year for re-evaluation. And for some reason, whenever I take stock of where I am, I always beat myself up for falling short.

So I take stock of where I am spiritually and I find that I’m way short of where I want to be. My prayer life is dry. My worship for you is silent. My time spent in other places. 

Why do I do this? Why do I allow myself the excuses of prioritizing something over you, knowing full well it will lead me here? I know in my mind that the only way to keep my soul in that steady state of contentment is to seek you and rest beside your still waters. And yet, my heart becomes restless and busy in other ventures. 

But today, I want you deeper. I thank you that you’ve never let me go. You always tug at my heart and bring me back to you. I ask that you would become the very fabric of my life again. I ask that prayer would be a constant reflex in my mind. I ask that worship would pour out of my heart and become my lifestyle again. Would you beckon me each day to come and spend time with you, like a husband beckons his wife to come and be with him?

I need you to remind me, Lord, of just how empty I can be without your constant call. I need you to help me remember these dry places where I know I’ve missed the mark and neglected you. I know that making it my goal to never come up short again is silly– it’s just inevitable that I will as long as I’m on this side of eternity– but I ask that you would help me to do the very best I can to glorify you while I’m here.

Because I could never want you on my own. I could never expect my flesh to desire you without your Holy Spirit to move me to love you. No matter what love you’ve shown me or how much I know your word in my heart, I could never choose you on my own.

So I thank you for choosing me to invite into this relationship. Thank you for sharing yourself with me so that my heart of flesh could be transformed enough to desire you. I ask that you would make me burn for you again. That I could get up every day and want to go deeper than the day before. That I could be so at ease in seeking you continually, and be glad to center my life around you.

Lord, I want to live in that substantial place where I meet with you daily and get myself right– in mind, body, and spirit. I want to be further transformed by who you are. Let your character be my character. Let the things that break you also break me. Let the things I aim for be things that glorify you and plans that you are the mastermind of.

I love you, Lord, and I don’t want to waste my time anymore. I don’t want to live in a dry, unsatisfying place. I want you. I need you. I ask that you would set my heart and mind on the things of you, and out of that, a desire would come to live my life in a constant state of seeking your face and pleasing you.

I don’t need a platform or a pat on the back or any kind of recognition. I just want to get back to that place where I can see your love pouring out of everything I see. I want to live in that place where I hear your voice in every place I dwell. 

I just want you, Lord. More of you. Help me to prioritize my life in a way where I could live in your presence and go deeper. 

Thank you for always hearing me, even when I am hard on myself and even when I have been away for far too long. Thank you for always taking my hand, redirecting me, and leading me back to where I belong.

I love you.
Until next time,
Cortney