Hey Pops, I’ve been frustrated recently, remembering where I’ve been in the past and not feeling like I’m there before. I know that I shouldn’t compare where I used to be with where I am now, but sometimes, I can’t help it. I feel like I should be deeper, more confident, or more satisfied. To be honest, I can’t put my finger on exactly what I feel is missing or why I can’t seem to stir myself up to enjoy you more consistently.

Hey, Pops, I need you more. The more I give my heart to you, the more I feel inadequate in my daily life. The more I desire you, the more I fall short as a friend, a coworker, a leader, and a daughter. The more I try to hide, the more exposed I feel. I don’t feel worthy to take up the space you’ve called me to fill. I feel like you’ve asked the wrong girl and given too much responsibility to someone so undeserving.

Hey Pops, I can’t help but praise you when I think back on my life. I can’t believe all the goodness you’ve poured out on me; I hold each signal of your great love for me against my heart and worship you. I didn’t deserve any of the kindness you’ve shown me. There have been so many days where I doubted that you were working; that I turned away because I was fickle and immature. There have been so many moments that I’ve doubted your will to come in and save me again and again and again.

Hey Pops, Thank you for being present in all seasons, even those seasons that my weak flesh struggles to seek and find you. Thank you for always beckoning me closer. Thank you for the distinct privilege of being called and claimed by you.

Hey Pops, Search me. And I mean really search me. Invade every cell and capillary, every thought-space and corner of my heart. If You should find unforgiveness in me, then bring it to my attention. Help me to war with it. Help me to lay it down.

My God, In this stagnant season in my life where it feels you are stripping me of everything I know, I will look to You as my only strength. As I am struggling to understand many things, I won’t lose faith in the fact that you are my number one supporter. You are the mediator between myself and my emotions and You comfort me in every battle, big and small. I look to You because my eyes don't even dare to wander anywhere else. Your beauty is too beautiful and vast for me; I am so overwhelmed. I am longing for Your presence and Your guidance. I am giving You all I have, longing for all that You are.