Hey Pops, I feel like there’s nothing like a New Year for re-evaluation. And for some reason, whenever I take stock of where I am, I always beat myself up for falling short. So I take stock of where I am spiritually and I find that I’m way short of where I want to be. My prayer life is dry. My worship for you is silent. My time spent in other places.

Hey Pops, I’ve been frustrated recently, remembering where I’ve been in the past and not feeling like I’m there before. I know that I shouldn’t compare where I used to be with where I am now, but sometimes, I can’t help it. I feel like I should be deeper, more confident, or more satisfied. To be honest, I can’t put my finger on exactly what I feel is missing or why I can’t seem to stir myself up to enjoy you more consistently.

Hey Pops, I can’t help but praise you when I think back on my life. I can’t believe all the goodness you’ve poured out on me; I hold each signal of your great love for me against my heart and worship you. I didn’t deserve any of the kindness you’ve shown me. There have been so many days where I doubted that you were working; that I turned away because I was fickle and immature. There have been so many moments that I’ve doubted your will to come in and save me again and again and again.

Hey Pops, I want to be more constantly aware of you. For too long, I’ve let personal drama get in the way of consistently pursuing you. I’ve let people and situations distract me from what really matters: sitting at your feet and putting my mind on you. Forgive my short-sightedness. Forgive my selfish heart. Forgive my scattered focus and for allowing my attention to be stolen so easily.

Dear Lord, I thank you for who you are each and every second, minute, and day that you continue to prove yourself through. You are an unchanging God who loves me in every heart-condition and I am unbelievably blessed. You fight for me when I cannot bear to face things myself and you come to my defense when I cannot even bring myself to stand. You are always at my right hand ready to teach me, love me, and show me how to persevere.

Jesus, I pray that you would give me a heart like this. A heart that is in awe of you at all times, that tells everyone of your love and mercy, and that is continually trusting in you. God, you are magnificent, but I am so broken. I am scared and I feel helpless. I cannot bring myself to this place of wanting to trust you anymore. Wherever I look, everything around me feels like it’s falling apart. God, I know you have a purpose in everything you do, but can I tell you how frustrated and helpless I feel right now?

Hey Pops, I find myself longing for you more and more these days. I know what it feels like to be so close to your side, and I miss that. Like Mary, I’ve sat at your feet and listened carefully and hungrily to your every word. I know what it’s like to live so intimately with you, so when I start to run dry, I feel it harshly.

Sure, James. Easier said than done. That’s always what I think when I hear the above verses. The fact of the matter is, no one wants to talk about suffering much less go through it. And let’s face it: it’s always going to be easy for people who have never walked through your same test to tell you to delight in the fact that you’re being tested. It’s always going to be our first, knee-jerk reaction to say, “Well, it’s easy for you to say, because you’re not living with this trainwreck of a situation.”

Hey Pops, Thank you for being present in all seasons, even those seasons that my weak flesh struggles to seek and find you. Thank you for always beckoning me closer. Thank you for the distinct privilege of being called and claimed by you.

Hey Pops, Search me. And I mean really search me. Invade every cell and capillary, every thought-space and corner of my heart. If You should find unforgiveness in me, then bring it to my attention. Help me to war with it. Help me to lay it down.

My God, In this stagnant season in my life where it feels you are stripping me of everything I know, I will look to You as my only strength. As I am struggling to understand many things, I won’t lose faith in the fact that you are my number one supporter. You are the mediator between myself and my emotions and You comfort me in every battle, big and small. I look to You because my eyes don't even dare to wander anywhere else. Your beauty is too beautiful and vast for me; I am so overwhelmed. I am longing for Your presence and Your guidance. I am giving You all I have, longing for all that You are.

Millennials, we’ve all heard it before: in a world of constant connection, we’re disconnected, we’re transient, and we’re disjointed. And those that are looking to hurl the first stone resoundingly blame technology. But here’s the thing, it’s not just millennials. The struggle to connect seems to be the common theme for all of us. Trust me, I get it. There’s not a day that goes by that I can avoid the newsfeeds; especially when most of my young career has centered around social media and new tactics to be seen in a world of endless content.