Modern Psalms: Search My Heart for Unforgiveness
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31:32, NIV)
Hey Pops,
Search me.
And I mean really search me. Invade every cell and capillary, every thought-space and corner of my heart. If You should find unforgiveness in me, then bring it to my attention. Help me to war with it. Help me to lay it down.
Lord, search my heart for grudges so deeply buried that I’ve mistaken them for parts of my personality. Show me where my offense lies so that I can meet it head on and resolve it. Tell me who I need to reach out to and how I can make it right. Let your Son be an example to me in forgiveness. When people betray me, help me to love them anyway. When people disappoint me, help me to not get hung up on it. When people hurt me, help me to heal without shutting down and pushing them away.
Make me like David when he came upon a sleeping King Saul in the wilderness. Despite all the aggressive jealousy, assassination attempts, and bad blood between them, David chose to cut a piece of Saul’s robe rather than to take his life. In that manner, I pray that You would put peaceful reconciliation before revenge on my list of priorities. Help me to act in love, even when I see an opportunity to take the “eye for an eye” approach.
Make me like Jesus when he overheard Peter’s denial at dawn. Even when those closest to me fail me, Lord, would You help me to love them anyway. Help me to count their victories for more than their shortcomings. Remind me of the ways I can support them and respect them, not for any kind of praise or recognition, but so that I can bring You glory.
Have I allowed bitterness to hinder my growth? Have I allowed anger to shape my words? Have I allowed malice to inform my opinions? If so, then I bring my thoughts captive to You and I give You permission to check my heart. Take my quick, rebellious tongue and clothe it in kindness. Take my swift, judgmental mind and make it compassionate. Erode the guards around my heart that isolate me from connecting with Your will, and replace them with Your goodness.
Pop, I pray that I would never allow unforgiveness to disqualify me from Your marvelous plan. Would You help me to lay down my burdens and never pick them up again? Would You help me to heal relationships that I have allowed to be estranged for far too long? Would You help me to come to an honest place in loving them as You love me?
Show me in bright neon where I can grow in my abilities to communicate and relate to those around me. Help me to see when I am reacting to a reaction in my flesh, and instead, replace my harsh words with Your gentle ones.
Thank You, Lord, for taking my sin and selfishness to the cross long before I ever stepped onto the scene. Thank You for thinking of this very moment and making a way for me to live forgiven. Now, help me to turn around and learn to forgive. And not just flippantly, but wholeheartedly forgive and move on. Help me to model Your grace to others and make me an example for others to follow and nurture other Godly relationships.
Lord, let me be the one to help heal my community. Let me be the first step toward unity. Start with me and show me how to spread it beyond my heart. Show me how to speak to those fractured relationships I need to heal.
Search me, show me, and use me. I don’t ever want to waste a day because I allowed unforgiveness to rule me. I want You to be my lens, my sounding board, and my reason. I need You, Pops, I need You more than anything else, and I tear down whatever else vies for my attention and my devotion and I bring it captive to You.
I love You.
Talk to you soon,
Cortney
