It’s in times like this that I wonder: How do people that don’t know who Jesus is get through this life? How do those who don’t know His love face the uncertainty of the day? How do those who don’t stand in His promises cope with their fear and deep sadness that is an inevitability to this life? Because I don’t think that I’d be able to function in this year alone if I didn’t have the steadfast faithfulness of God to lean into in days like these.

Hey, Pops, I need you more. The more I give my heart to you, the more I feel inadequate in my daily life. The more I desire you, the more I fall short as a friend, a coworker, a leader, and a daughter. The more I try to hide, the more exposed I feel. I don’t feel worthy to take up the space you’ve called me to fill. I feel like you’ve asked the wrong girl and given too much responsibility to someone so undeserving.

Hey Pops, I can’t help but praise you when I think back on my life. I can’t believe all the goodness you’ve poured out on me; I hold each signal of your great love for me against my heart and worship you. I didn’t deserve any of the kindness you’ve shown me. There have been so many days where I doubted that you were working; that I turned away because I was fickle and immature. There have been so many moments that I’ve doubted your will to come in and save me again and again and again.

Hey Pops, I want to be more constantly aware of you. For too long, I’ve let personal drama get in the way of consistently pursuing you. I’ve let people and situations distract me from what really matters: sitting at your feet and putting my mind on you. Forgive my short-sightedness. Forgive my selfish heart. Forgive my scattered focus and for allowing my attention to be stolen so easily.

Dear Lord, I thank you for who you are each and every second, minute, and day that you continue to prove yourself through. You are an unchanging God who loves me in every heart-condition and I am unbelievably blessed. You fight for me when I cannot bear to face things myself and you come to my defense when I cannot even bring myself to stand. You are always at my right hand ready to teach me, love me, and show me how to persevere.

Jesus, I pray that you would give me a heart like this. A heart that is in awe of you at all times, that tells everyone of your love and mercy, and that is continually trusting in you. God, you are magnificent, but I am so broken. I am scared and I feel helpless. I cannot bring myself to this place of wanting to trust you anymore. Wherever I look, everything around me feels like it’s falling apart. God, I know you have a purpose in everything you do, but can I tell you how frustrated and helpless I feel right now?

Hey Pops, I find myself longing for you more and more these days. I know what it feels like to be so close to your side, and I miss that. Like Mary, I’ve sat at your feet and listened carefully and hungrily to your every word. I know what it’s like to live so intimately with you, so when I start to run dry, I feel it harshly.

Hey, Pops, Today, I lay no petitions, no requests, and no pleas at your feet. For just a moment, I only want to sit in awe of you. Constantly, you beckon me to come close to your heart; you give me permission to intimately know you, to dive deeper into who you are. And constantly, I am distracted by the desires of my own heart. How many times have I passed up the opportunity to just be with you by filling up the time and space with my selfishness and my “needs?” How many times have I missed the opportunity to get to know more of you, because I wanted you to hear more of me?

Hey Pops, Thank you for being present in all seasons, even those seasons that my weak flesh struggles to seek and find you. Thank you for always beckoning me closer. Thank you for the distinct privilege of being called and claimed by you.

Hey Pops, Search me. And I mean really search me. Invade every cell and capillary, every thought-space and corner of my heart. If You should find unforgiveness in me, then bring it to my attention. Help me to war with it. Help me to lay it down.

My God, In this stagnant season in my life where it feels you are stripping me of everything I know, I will look to You as my only strength. As I am struggling to understand many things, I won’t lose faith in the fact that you are my number one supporter. You are the mediator between myself and my emotions and You comfort me in every battle, big and small. I look to You because my eyes don't even dare to wander anywhere else. Your beauty is too beautiful and vast for me; I am so overwhelmed. I am longing for Your presence and Your guidance. I am giving You all I have, longing for all that You are.

At the start of a new year, we tend to think that we should be living amazing lives. If you are, that’s great! If you aren’t, I want to first tell you that it’s okay, but I also want to challenge you with a question: What are you measuring your success by?

Prayer is my jam this week. Why? I was challenged by a new friend to take part in a seven-day prayer challenge, designed to deepen and enrich prayer life by focusing it past all the requests and drivel that tends to bog down our time with God. Over the past few days, changing and repurposing certain details of my prayer time has reignited my desire to share my heart and time with Jesus.

My grandmother has had the same morning routine for years. She wakes up and makes herself a cup of coffee, frothed with piping hot milk because that’s how she likes it. Once she has that all-important cup, she sits down at the kitchen table with her iPad, a notebook, and her Bible. As she works her way through her morning coffee, she worships, reads devotions, takes notes, and prays.

Why don’t more people talk about Hannah? Found in the opening chapters of 1 Samuel, Hannah is one of two wives to Elkanah the Ephrathite, and in just a handful of short verses, she quickly becomes one of the most relatable women in the Bible. First, you might be thinking, “Hold up, did you say Hannah was one of TWO wives?” Yeah, you read that right, which might not be helpful in my case that Hannah was super relatable, but stick with me.

I don’t think I have ever read anything more beautiful, pure, challenging, and fulfilling than what this verse says. Just think about that: as a deer longs for his source of life– water– so I long for my God. It’s basically saying that God is our one and only source of not just life, but life to the absolute fullest.