We’ve all been there. None of us can say that we’ve never done something outside of God’s will before. The reason being, it’s not a strong suit of humanity to let God have full control over our lives. So it might be easy to say that God has given us a promise, but it’s even harder to walk in it. Why? Because God’s timing is never our timing.

Over the past six months, I’ve touched a few times on how we can see God the Father alluding to Jesus and the coming cross over and over again throughout the Old Testament. The first we see it is in Genesis 3, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” Or when we focused on Genesis 15, where God made the old covenant with Abram as groundwork for the new covenant that Jesus’ blood would afford us.

Boy, is this coronavirus teaching me a thing or two about my control issues. For those who don’t know, I’m supposed to get married in June. And by that, I mean, it’s still happening, but we’re getting to the point where some difficult decisions have to be made. Me, I was always the girl who dreamed about her wedding: the fairytale day that’s all about me and the love of my life taking the biggest step together. I grew up dreaming about every aspect of the day from the food and flowers to the music and the dress.

Look, no one likes to fail. And as a self-proclaimed overachiever and perfectionist, I super-duper HATE failing. Just this past week, I had a really, really big and difficult licensing test. It was something I have been studying for over the past 9 weeks. So last Tuesday, while everyone was opening their Soul Deep devotion and sipping on their morning coffee, I was sitting in a small cubicle, laboring over 150 multiple choice questions.

I’m hoping all of you got the chance to read Cortney’s devotion on Tuesday, and if you didn’t, please read it first and come back to this after. One of the things I love about this platform God has given us to minister to others is that God speaks to me so much through it and through Cortney as my Soul Deep partner. The past few days I have been facing a lot at once. I was truly so overwhelmed and my trust in God was really being put to the test. Honestly, the past couple days have been the hardest that I think I’ve ever faced. I felt like I had to make every big life decision in one day, and if you’ve ever been there, you’ll know that that will make you question your trust in what God’s doing in your life.

Yes, I’m still on my Isaiah 43 kick. I just can’t help it. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve just been sitting in it and really searching it. The things that the Lord has been teaching me and showing me have been so precious and refreshing to my heart. Basically, the whole chapter is God proving Himself and reminding Israel who He is– reminding His people of their worth, reminding His people of how much He loves them, reminding them of His absolute and sovereign power, and reminding them of what He’s done in the past in the name of that love.

huge truth bomb to me that I want to share with you today. First off, let’s be real and honest. We are selfish and needy creatures. I mean, praise God that He puts up with us, but we are a generation and a people that always wants more. We are constantly full of excuses and needs. Enough will never be enough. It could be anything; we could want more success, more money, more friends, a relationship... whatever it is. Whether it’s material or immaterial, we find ourselves crawling through this life feeling lifeless because we don’t know what true satisfaction is apart from what the world dictates to us.

My God, In this stagnant season in my life where it feels you are stripping me of everything I know, I will look to You as my only strength. As I am struggling to understand many things, I won’t lose faith in the fact that you are my number one supporter. You are the mediator between myself and my emotions and You comfort me in every battle, big and small. I look to You because my eyes don't even dare to wander anywhere else. Your beauty is too beautiful and vast for me; I am so overwhelmed. I am longing for Your presence and Your guidance. I am giving You all I have, longing for all that You are.

This past week, God has been revealing two things to me, and those are #1: Everything happens for a reason, and #2: NOTHING surprises God. If I am being honest, last week was the worst handful of days I’ve had in a long time. I faced a couple of really big trials and just like anyone else, I was experiencing a lot of confusion and anger. When things aren’t going our way or things happen in our lives we don’t understand, we tend to let that situation take hold of our joy. I will admit I did that for a while. I almost let the situations in my life win by letting myself become discouraged and wallowing in it, but then I realized something.

We all wonder about the future. Whether that be what you’re going to eat in thirty minutes, the extensive amount of things you have to do tomorrow, or where your life will be in ten years. There are numerous questions that linger in our heads left unanswered, and sometimes it feels as if we have to actively do something to get these answers. It can so easily feel like we are doing something wrong.