vWhen babies are born, no one has to teach them to suck. It’s a natural instinct so deeply embedded in them that they can even do it from inside the womb. Towards the end of a pregnancy, babies are known to drink in amniotic fluid using that sucking mechanism. This way, when they’re born, they can go right to drinking milk from the mother. They don’t starve or have to wait days and days to figure out how to eat. They are born doing it. I knew all this in a clinical sense before I was a mother, but once my daughter was born, I marveled at God’s design. It is nothing short of a wonder that a child is born and instinctively knows that their mother, who they have only known from the inside and is all of a sudden an external presence to them, has milk to drink. And it’s even more of a wonder that that child’s little tummy is so small that only a few drops is enough to not only satisfy their hunger, but also to slowly grow that baby into a nourished child. Because at first, that’s all the mother makes– a few drops. It takes days before her milk fully comes in and months before it establishes.

I prayed the sinner's prayer when I was about 10 years old, or at least, that’s the first time I remember praying it with a full realization of what I was doing and committing to. Before that, I was parroting along the words my teacher asked us to repeat during Sunday school “altar calls.” I went to the same church until I was 25. I sat under the same pastor, worshiped in the same building, and learned most of what I knew about the Bible in that church. I feel it’s very important to note: I love that church. I still have nothing but deep gratitude to the man that pastored that church while I was there and led a community where ultimately, I found a place of my own.

“I had no idea you were so crazy about the Olympics.” That’s what my husband said when I rolled out of bed first thing on Friday and asked him to please set up the live feed so I could watch the opening ceremony at the Tokyo Olympics. And yes, to an extent, he wouldn’t know this about me. The last real Olympic games we had was 2016, which was two years before we’d start dating. And since he’s met me, I hate watching sports games. But for some reason, when the Olympics are on, I’m glued to dozens of events, rooting for the USA and marvelling at my favorite athletes.

From the moment I was allowed to sign up for classes for my junior year of high school, there was one class that I was dying to take: photography. Little did I know, as I sat down on my first day, that I was about to learn an art that took a whole lot more work than the point-and-click photography I was accustomed to. Oh, no. This photography class dealt solely in film. We learned every step of creating a photo, leading up to the ever-exciting experience of using a dark room.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this recently, but my husband and I just went through a big milestone: buying our first house. Not only buying our first house– and, if you’ll allow me to brag for a second, within our first year of marriage– but also moving from New York to North Carolina. I’m sure this goes for anyone, but when I go through big life changes like this, I tend to try to create a new routine for myself. I try to get back to the basics. My life in New York was going out with friends on the weekend, working from home during the week, and spending time with my husband and trying to be productive in between.

I know, I know. Today is Wednesday. I missed our standing Tuesday time together. You see, I always write Soul Deep on a Monday, this way you have something I’m freshly convicted of in your inbox Tuesday morning; but this Monday was my 27th birthday. You see, my husband and I like to do birthdays big. It’s a good excuse to surprise each other and spend special time together. So Monday morning, I woke up to a day-long itinerary of birthday activities, and between all that, writing a devotion slipped my mind. For those who don’t know, we’ll be moving from Long Island to North Carolina in just a few weeks time, so our schedule has been pretty jam packed between making time to see people before we leave, packing, and doing the due diligence on our new house down south.

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite places to go was the library. Whenever I’d go, I’d always leave with a stack of books as long as my arms. My dad used to yell at me, saying, “You’re never going to read all those books in two weeks before you need to return them! Pare it down!” My mom would laugh and shake her head, knowing full well I’d gobble every book up. A few months ago, I remembered this part of my childhood and realized: Somewhere along the way, I got too busy to read.

I started to be involved in ministry when I was 10 years old, where once every other month, I’d spend one Sunday service in my church’s nursery. Yes, it was a small beginning, but to me, it was fun. We’d rock babies into their morning naps, run after toddlers playing with dolls and trains and puzzles, and give them a snack before their parents picked them up.

When we enter into a relationship with God, we truly learn about ourselves. Being in union with our creator forces us to be self-aware and allows us to evolve into our true identity each and every day. In this process, we sometimes face a lot of hard truths about who we are and how we can act. We see the ugly that lies within us.

Dear Lord, I thank you for who you are each and every second, minute, and day that you continue to prove yourself through. You are an unchanging God who loves me in every heart-condition and I am unbelievably blessed. You fight for me when I cannot bear to face things myself and you come to my defense when I cannot even bring myself to stand. You are always at my right hand ready to teach me, love me, and show me how to persevere.

There’s a lot of things we all crave to be in this life. We all want to be successful and feel accomplished. Maybe we even have a small timeline in your heads of where we want to be and when. Even though we do our best to trust in Jesus and in his plan, we also have little hopes and dreams within our minds and hearts. We almost all want to achieve perfection in all these areas of our lives. But there is one thing I never want to be, and that is the “Perfect Christian”.

‬‬Dear God, As we go into this new year, I pray you give us a newfound hope and motivation to live for you in all we do. I pray that we would recognize your grace in our lives everyday and there would be no moment we would take you for granted. Let this be the year that our love runs deeper for you and our compassion rises towards the hurting people around us. God, I pray you show us your purpose for us in this new year as we face it head on with all we have.

This is how I want to start this year: my heart for us all! As everyone starts posting their visions, power words, and resolutions for the new year, let me take this moment to encourage you– and encourage myself in the process. I’m one of those people who loves and hates to set goals. Big-picture stuff overwhelms me. So when I set a goal for myself, my perfectionist attitude steps in and starts to discourage me. The funny thing is, I’ve started to notice that I’m not alone. There are so many people I find around me that are unafraid to dream dreams.

Sometimes there are seasons of our lives full of growing pains, adjustments, suffering, and sadness. Unfortunately, that’s just how life is sometimes. There are days when we wonder what it's all for; what is the purpose of our suffering and our sadness? That’s when we need to look past our circumstance and see the greater purpose– to honor our father and be a walking testament of his love.