Modern Psalms: Give Me a Grateful Heart

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:15-17, NIV)

Dear God,

I am dissatisfied. I don’t want to be but I am.

It’s so easy to fall into a habit of discontentment. As a young person, I was taught that there would be so much to accomplish in all the areas of my life. I was praised by others constantly for my potential, talents, and promise. Naturally, as you grow older and make decisions in your life, it feels like that endless potential you’re told about when you’re in school grows limits. 

And that's a hard feeling to grapple with. You think to yourself: I’m almost x years old! I thought I’d have accomplished this by now! I thought I’d have this much in my bank account! I thought I’d be in a much easier place! Where did all that potential go?

The fact is, as I approach 30, I have to constantly remind myself that though my youth may be coming to a close and I’m about to start what people begrudgingly consider “middle age,” there is still so much in front of me to be written and done. And even though I had expectations that I’d be “farther along” or accomplished more at this point, I know that I still have so much to be thankful to the Lord for. 

I have a faithful and loving husband. I have a beautiful and inquisitive daughter. I have a house, a mischievous dog, and a job that helps pay the bills coming in each month. And I know that none of these things have been achieved or given to me in my own strength. All of it was carefully and generously poured out by you, Lord.

Yet still, I struggle to be grateful. My flesh selfishly expects more and that desire keeps me from enjoying the things you’ve so graciously given. It makes me anxious and bitter. It causes me to withdraw from the joyful peace I should be able to enjoy from a thankful heart. 

I need your help to slow down. I need you to remind me of the blessings I do have right now. I need you to show me how to let go of desires and expectations that cause my spirit to be hard or bitter. I need you to show me how to be satisfied with what I have.

Heal my heart, Lord. Turn my attention back to you. Help me let go of any frustration I have over unmet expectations. Help me to put those worries back at your feet and to be content to wait for you to provide. Replant my affections in you. Forgive me for my moments of anger and contrariness over things I thought I should have by now. Forgive me for questioning your ability to provide and the sovereignty of your timing. 

Give me a grateful heart. Make me a patient child. Help me to be unwavering in the knowledge that you are always working and that you are using this season to make me more like you. Molding me, growing me, and teaching me. Help me to be patient and vigil to hear your direction and wise enough to learn and adapt. Make me strong to withstand this stage of life you have me and my family in, and help me to do so faithfully  and praise you even when I feel bleak and weary.

You have called me to peace. You have called me to be thankful. Forgive me for not walking in the ways I should go and allowing my own desires to lead me down paths of discontentment. Help my heart to see that you are enough and the satisfaction of all my needs. You are worthy of my absolute best and you are deserving of a daughter who lives in a way that is an example to others of how precious it is to live a life in your name. 

You are God. You are my diligent provider, my priceless salvation, my all-sufficient comfort, my unshakeable peace, and wonderful joy. Show me how to be the kind of Christian who can never forget that, no matter the circumstances around me. Make those realities real in my heart again. I need you. Draw me to you and give me a grateful heart again, Lord. 

I want to be someone who dwells in your presence and doesn’t take it for granted. Bring me back to you, renew my thirst for you, and help me to live a more joyful life content with what you have already given, not striving for things yet to come.

I love you.
In Jesus’ name I pray, 
Amen.