Ten Commandments, P5: Honoring Mom and Dad

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12, NIV)

I remember being a kid, sitting in the church pew, and hearing this commandment. I remember looking over at my mom who was giving me a look that said, “Did you hear that?”

I probably rolled my eyes because I thought God was backing her up on the whole 8 p.m. bedtime and doing my chores thing. Back then, that’s what honoring my parents meant: obeying them and following the rules. And sure, maybe that’s part of honoring– listening, heeding, and abiding. But it goes deeper than the age-old “because I said so” mentality that we’ve attached to that idea.

Have you ever thought about how some ideologies our society has are actually Bible based and God-breathed? For instance, the importance of the nuclear family. This is the societal importance placed on the familial unit that consists of two parents and their children. That’s not some idea we just arrived at and thought was a good one. That’s something we get from God Himself. 

How many places can we read the Bible and see God talking about the importance of harmony between parents and children? Because it’s not just this fifth commandment out of 10. Children should honor their father and mother and anyone who reviles their father and mother must surely die (Exodus 21:17) In turn, Paul teaches parents to not provoke their children to anger, instead bringing them up and training them in the teachings of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

God also talks a lot about the order of the family and how it should function. The husband honors his wife as his counterpart and love, the wife yields to the husband as the head of the family, and the children obey both parents as the caregivers and overall authority. Ultimately, for a child, the parent knows best because they have experience beyond what is possible for the child. And a parent that is submissive to God’s design for a family should only want what’s best for their children; and that encompasses everything from navigating life as a functioning person to understanding God’s Word to learning what’s appropriate and right in certain situations.

So the whole premise of a nuclear family isn’t something thought up by a philosopher or something that was derived and passed down by an ancient society. It’s something God taught about, commanded of us and became a societal norm as it was passed down through the generations. And ironically, in recent times it’s become one of the most attacked and assaulted societal norm in the last few decades. Nowadays, it’s normal for fathers to be absent within the family. It’s widely accepted for kids to rebel against their parents. And believe me, after years of working with kids and knowing what they’ve gone through at the hands of their parents, at times it’s warranted for the child to cut off a bad parent. But it all becomes a strategy of Satan trying to break down God’s natural order in the earth.

Because children are commanded to honor and obey their parents. But parents are also commanded to take care of their kids and not to exasperate them. And when the parent is unfit to give adequate love, attention, and care to their child, that is just as displeasing to Him as the child rebelling against the parent.

In all truth, this command is a reminder to younger generations to honor and value the older generation’s knowledge and experience that can be passed down to them in order for them to create and maintain a society that not only honors the Lord and His design, but one that also functions in a harmonious manner. 

This command reminds us to have a reverence and respect for those that are older than us. Why? Because they have perspectives that we don't. They have a foundational knowledge and understanding that could be useful if passed down. A good parent disciplines the child because they want that child to learn and mature as they grow, and sometimes a child lacks the ability to see the evil hiding behind something innocent. A good parent raises and nurtures with gentle encouragement and yet firmly redirects when something is out of line.

So by leaving us this commandment, God reminds us that in our youth, we don’t always know better. Our youth doesn’t make us wise and our inexperience doesn’t make us brave. We aren’t excused to rebel at will just because we don’t like a particular lesson or request from those older than us, and that includes our parents. God reminds us that older generations still have something to offer and they still have wisdom that’s worth revering, honoring, and listening to. Older age shouldn’t be dreaded or relegated to antiquity in its entirety. Instead, we as young people should honor those that came before us. God still has a function and a role for them just like he has for the youth. 

It’s important that as the Church, we are reminded and encouraged to come together constantly. The modern church has a way of segmenting down into isolated age groups and forgetting to come back together in strength, community, and harmony. The elders can’t divorce themselves from the youth in that they forget to evangelize, build up, and pass down their knowledge to those generations coming after them. And the youth can’t forget that their rebellion against that valuable wisdom comes at a high price: the loss and disappearance of knowledge and experience to time. 

After all, each generation depends on all the others. Any bit of information, even the Gospel, can be one generation away from oblivion if each one of us don’t bother to tell others about Jesus. We need each other deeply, and it’s God’s design that we honor each other for what we have to bring to the table.