When Turning the Other Cheek is Near Impossible
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth [punishment that fits the offense].’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person [who insults you or violates your rights]; but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other toward him also [simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses and do not bother to retaliate—maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise]. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also [for the Lord repays the offender]. And whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.” (Matthew 5: 38-42, AMP)
Have you ever had someone who seemed intent on hurting you or your family? I’m talking about and over and over type situation; like one where they hurt you, you work to forgive them, turn the other cheek, and they end up offending you on a completely new level.
The Christianese answer is that you should continue to turn the other cheek to this person, but if you’re anything like me in this kind of situation, your prayers start to sound somewhere along the lines of, “Lord, there just isn’t another cheek left to give!”
Recently I turned to Sam and said that I needed him to lead me as my husband, because the thing I wanted to do was to march up to someone who has been stirring the pot and tell them exactly what I feel. I’m sure you can imagine, since I am a self-proclaimed words girl, when I’m upset my communication can get a little colorful, so when I do blow up on someone it’s not pretty.
What I want in my flesh is the old eye-for-an-eye justice system. Someone hurt me, and so I should get to hurt them in a way that matches my offense. But that’s not what Jesus tells us when dealing with people like this. Instead, He encourages us to ignore their insults and not retaliate against them. He tells us to take the high road, by not only letting go of the offense, but to bless them beyond what we think they deserve. If they ask for our shirt, we should give them not only the shirt, but our coat as well. If they ask us to walk a mile with them, we should go two. We shouldn’t turn them away in disgust, but treat them like Jesus treated those that hated Him.
So yes, technically the Christianese answer is correct, but it’s usually not the helpful advice we want to hear in the moment. Our flesh wants to curse, yell, stomp, and hurt. Our nature wants its pound of flesh so that we feel we’re even.
That’s why I rolled my eyes at my husband when he told me to take the high road and ignore my offender, despite the grief they’ve caused. Because for people like me, that’s easier said than done. I’m someone who speaks my mind. I’m someone who isn’t afraid of a little confrontation.
Then I realized something: Perhaps God has put this person in my life to teach me a thing or two about forgiveness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a long way from complete forgiveness in my heart. In fact, I’m probably a long way off. There’s a big part of me that still wants to tell them off. But over the last week, my prayer has been, “Lord, help me to not be so angry about the way this person has grieved me. I don’t want to hate them. I don’t want to be angry, but I’m finding it hard and I need you to help my heart to keep turning my cheek.”
““In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4: 26-27, NIV)
Anger gives the devil a foothold in your life. Why? Because anger usually leads to some sort of retaliation, whether it’s obvious like calling them out in a big, boisterous scene, or small and quiet, like snubbing them in public and not being gracious to them. Ultimately, our anger takes root in our hearts as hatred, bitterness, and unforgiveness– which is the point where our offense begins to affect us and our spiritual health. Because a person who is hell-bent on unforgiveness will have trouble putting their focus on the Lord. A person who is stuck in their own bitterness will have a hard time glorifying God.
Which is why it is so important to not let our grief over offense run rampant in our hearts. Ultimately, it doesn’t affect the person you’re angry at as much as it affects your ability to serve the Lord. If you’re stuck churning over that offense, you can’t focus on the task at hand– trust me, I know– and your heart will be in completely the wrong place.
As hard as it is to actually do, when someone offends you, you should take the high road and let the offense go. Instead of obsessing over that person and the way they’ve hurt you, go to the Lord. Ask Him to fill those places in your heart that are harboring grief. Let Him deal with that and heal you. Let Him deal with the other person as far as repaying the hurt they’ve inflicted.
In my case, I have to accept that it’s not up to me to make sure what goes around comes around. I think the lesson really is allowing God to take care of what’s His, and I need to learn to give my grief to Him. I need to learn to let Him be my solace and my comfort. As hard as it might be, I might have to give this person the extra mile, so to speak. I might have to bear with them a little longer. I might have to forgive them, even if they don’t know just how much I’ve lost over their carelessness.
In the end, I think God uses people to point out the weaknesses in our own hearts, and sometimes people that hurt us deeply are purposely put in our lives so that we can lean more solidly on the Lord. After all of it, forgiveness might not be the most immediate reaction, but maybe simply praying and asking God to be the One to fill that hurt in our hearts and take our anger is the first and most important step.
