Submission, P4: Someone to Aspire to

Read Proverbs 31:10-31

The Proverbs 31 woman is the church’s best example of an exemplary wife, mother, and friend. Maybe we roll our eyes sometimes at how cliche it might be, but the fact of the matter is this: there is a reason she stands out from the rest. And if she is the model for all women to strive for in their Christian walk, then logically, she must fall in line with what we’ve been talking about.

That’s why I wanted to end our series about submission here: at the pinnacle, the best among us. So that, hopefully, after all this unpacking of, “Wives, submit to your husbands,” we could have something to aspire towards and remind us of the fact that when Paul tells women to honor their husbands, it isn’t to hide them away, but to help them flourish in the space God has given them to occupy as women.

First, does the Proverbs 31 woman submit to her husband?

“The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.” (verses 11-12, AMP)

“Her children rise up and call her blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied); and her husband boasts of and praises her, [saying], “Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], but you excel them all.”” (verses 28-29, AMP)

The answer is yes. The virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 honors, respects, and loves her husband passionately. In fact, it is the first thing that is mentioned of her. The first reason that she is more precious than jewels and valued above rubies or pearls, is that she has a deep bond with her husband. They have a relationship where there is trust, confidence, security, comfort, encouragement, and goodness between them. She is not secretly working against him, asserting dominance over him, or suspicious of the ill will he may have towards her; accusing him of undermining her or putting her down.

Indeed, the harmony between the virtuous wife and her husband is attributed to the deep trust between them, the fact that both husband and wife each have a role and a desire to work together in their marriage.

He wants nothing because she supplies his household with what he needs, and she is his source of joy. We don’t see a couple that works against each other. We see a couple who love and respect each other deeply, and the excellence they exude is due to the fact that they honor each other above all else. And because they are in harmony, their whole family is a safe haven. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband boasts over her and praises her that there is no one like her.

There is no doubt, this wife honors and submits to her husband, and because there is no friction there, joy pours out of their marriage. But here’s the very important part; the part that I think many people don’t tend to grasp when they read this passage.

The Proverbs 31 woman is the perfect picture of a Godly wife and mother, but when I read this passage, I don’t see a woman relegated to the kitchen or the laundry room. 

In fact, almost the whole passage highlights all the different responsibilities and jobs she juggles. And she doesn’t do them begrudgingly. She doesn’t grumble over trivial household tasks, wishing for a career or autonomy of her own.

She is industrious. She is resourceful. She is intelligent. I daresay, in today’s terms, she’s a girlboss!

Don’t believe me? Read through the passage again. She sources materials, food, and staff for her household, managing them efficiently and making sure they are not just materially taken care of, but spiritually fed as well. (verse 15)

She inspects a field before she buys it with her savings, which means, she isn’t some innocent lamb that can be swindled by a salesman. She knows what she’s talking about and gets it for a good price. And after she buys that land, she plants a vineyard, which only adds to the riches of her household (verse 16.) She makes fine garments and sells them in the marketplace, delivering them to merchants (verse 24). This woman is definitely no hothouse flower. She’s no damsel in distress, lost without her husband’s will to submit to. She’s a businesswoman and a fixture of the community.

I think a lot of the time, when we get so tripped up by the mere semantics of a passage like Ephesians 5 and allow our own tainted worldview to color our opinion on God’s word, we miss all the places where scripture sets us straight. If we constantly read the Bible looking to punch holes in it or to be offended, we will always find a reason to question God. And in all honesty, the Bible is going to offend us. The gospel is offensive. Godliness is offensive to sin-nature. 

But if we can approach a topic under the impression that God is good, and He loves us and wants what’s spiritually best for us, we give Him the permission to transform our hearts and mature us.

It is my prayer that this series has given you the opportunity to be open to another perspective of who God is and asks us all to be. He doesn’t want to oppress those that love Him. What He does want to do is give each person an order in which we can be most effective in bringing Him glory. 

If we flip our perspectives, we can see that what once was offensive: “Wives, submit to your husbands,” can become an opportunity for woman-kind to occupy their God-given space that would allow their potential to be full, their marriages to be passionately healthy, and their households to be overflowing with joy.

So, if there is ever a moment where you feel like you’re struggling with your role as a woman in the church, or as a Godly wife, remember the Proverbs 31 woman. And don’t remember her as this unopinionated, quiet homebody. Remember her for all her attributes and roles. She is more rare and precious than rubies because she loves and honors the Lord first, and that doesn’t diminish any of the character traits He created her to have.