Submission Series, P2: Husbands Have Their Own Role to Play

“Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members (parts) of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:28-31, AMP)

Husbands and wives are addressed many times throughout the New Testament, and it seems that one doesn’t receive a command without the other. I find it interesting that when people bring up “Wives submit to your husbands,” there is not conversation in the same breath about a husband’s obligation to love his wife as if she were his own body.

And that’s not some prosaic prattle from Paul to the Ephesians. He’s not giving the women a literal command to submit and then giving the men some flowery metaphor to live by. Sit and consider this with me for a moment: Paul commands husbands to love their wives as if they were a part of his own body. Not a thought, nor a suggestion. They are morally obligated to do so by scripture.

So a husband is bound to his wife to nourish, protect, cherish, and love his wife as if she were his very being. The way Christ loved us. 

This still lends itself to what we were discussing last week: That the marriage relationship between man and wife is an illustration of what Christ and the Church are meant to be. Jesus, as the head of the church, the way the husband is the head of the family. But it doesn’t end there.

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head (authority over) of every man, and man is the head of woman, and God is the head of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:3, AMP)

So if a woman honors and submits to her husband the way the Church submits to Jesus, and husbands are devoted to their wives the way Jesus is devoted to the Bride of Christ. There is still One that husbands and even Jesus must submit themselves to: God the Father. Indeed, everyone– no matter their station in life– must submit to the ultimate Creator. It is inevitably the reason any of us are put on this earth. 

Which is why the best example of husbandry is to be more and more like God– His character, His devotion, and His steadfastness. For sure, it is a high goal, but in and of itself, Christianity is the same pursuit… to be more and more like Jesus, who is God as man.

All of this to say, husbands are not let off the hook simply because they are men and Adam was created first. They are still beholden to God, the way all of creation is, and God holds them accountable to be devoted to the wife He has made for them. He has not forgotten to give them a challenge too: to be so devoted to the woman that promises to be his help-mate, that he regards her as his own body. 

I know this is not news to anyone. The Bible is clear: in the marriage covenant, the two become one. And that’s not just meant as a metaphor for the couple forming a family and bearing children. If that were the case, the two becoming one would begin in childbirth and crossing the threshold into parenthood, not at the joining together of two people in marriage. It is through that event– the two becoming one through the marriage covenant– that the commands we see for husbands and wives over and over again throughout the Bible is realized.

Because marriage is God-ordained as a once-in-a-lifetime event. The two individuals become one unit– a unit where one views the other as his very own body; and through that tenderness and passion, it becomes easy for the other to yield in devotion and delight. 

“This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church. However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].” (Ephesians 5:32-33, AMP)

Maybe Paul leaves us with these encouragements because he knew how intrinsically difficult it would be for each of the sexes to realize exactly the sacrifice it would take to live in harmonious, God-glorifying marriage. For a woman, the sacrifice of self-interested autonomy in favoring someone over her own agendas. For a man, the self-sacrifice it would take to love one woman so carefully, taking into account her well-being and the dreams within her heart as if they were his own. To the point where a line could be drawn to Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice of dying on the cross to bring us closer to Him in love.

Because if we’re really being honest, we are comfortable drawing as many lines between Jesus’ love for us and marriage, but sometimes, we neglect to mention that it includes the fact that Jesus would lay down His life for that love. That’s why we don’t marry just anyone that we would consider tossing aside in a month. Because ultimately, a marriage love, is a love shared between two people that understand a devotion strong enough to lay their life down for each other. Two as one, where to lose one would be as good as losing the other. 

Jesus didn’t want to have an eternity where we wouldn’t be. That’s why He laid His life down. Calling us His Bride is no small statement, friends. It’s not just a nice sentiment. It is the pinnacle of love itself; a love so deep and crazy, that it sets aside self-preservation and puts everything on the line, submitting even life itself in the name of loving the object of affection.

So yes, friends. Husbands have an obligation and a command to love their wives to the point of forsaking themselves. It’s the very least we can do to submit ourselves as wives to a love as deep as that.